Tivoli Hotel Madeira: Huge Disappointment!

I'd like to briefly report about the bad experience of staying in the Tivoli resort hotel in Funchal (Madeira) and why I recommend to avoid that place at all costs.

I stayed at Tivoli [see link 1 or link 2] when I went to Madeira and I chose it simply because it was the conference location. There was nothing inherently wrong with the hotel; it is rather the big gap between what they promise (and make you pay for) and what they deliver that is upsetting.

Tivoli has a 5 star rating, and it is a mystery to me how they got that. My theory is that they received the rating purely for the availability of certain facilities, without any consideration of whether these facilities are actually appropriately operated and without regard to the level of service. Indeed, Tivoli has a gym, a restaurant, a spa, conference halls, shops and a bar and various other gimmicks. If it was a 2 or even a 3 star hotel that was priced accordingly, I would have had no complaints. But you can find a 2 or 3 star hotel in that area for a fraction of Tivoli's price, and Tivoli trick you into certain expectations with promises they do not deliver. Below is a (by no means complete) list of things that (in my opinion) are just not on in a place that makes you pay for five stars. Read it and consider carefully whether you really want to stay there.

And if you have something to add to this list, or, on contrary, if you disagree with my opinion and think that Tivoli is worth its money, please add a comment at the end of this post. All comments are welcome (except for spam which will be removed immediately)!

• No concierge on weekends and national holidays.
• Shower in the suite leaks.
• Old, non-flat-screen TV (we live in 2009!).
• No serious choice of non-Portuguese channels on TV.
• No free wireless internet.
• Instant coffee sachets in rooms available, but priced at 3 Euros.
• Gym and spa close extremely early on weekends and on national holidays.
• Staff do not inform you of national holidays (and thus changes in hotel service) and expects tourists to be aware of them.
• Reception staff consistently provide incorrect information about opening times of services such as pool or sauna.
• No air-conditioning in the gym.
• Not properly working air conditioning in the suite.
• Various machines in the gym are broken or not functioning.
• Staff forbid you to take away items from breakfast (lunch), e.g. if you wish to finish eating in front of the TV, on the balcony or during a conference presentation. Staff are quite rood when enforcing this restriction.
• Special pool tickets are required and only one pool towel per person is permitted.